I Ain’t Mad At Ya

Community venues and expression have been a part of my DNA for years. Before there was a Facebook, I was pounding the pavement with my daddy in my hometown, Kinston, NC, registering people to vote, praying for the sick, giving food to the hungry, and singing off key for Jesus. Wondering back then what I would be loving the diaspora and all of its counterparts, ccompassionate for people, feeling the pain of social ills, and an advocate for social justice.

Moving from my hometown was different ballgame, moving to a college campus feeling like a fish in a fishbowl, I was unsure what I would be having lost my mommy and daddy, I asked 5%ers, Muslims, Weedheads, and Intellectuals to tell me who I am and what I would become searching for an identity. Do you know what that feels like to want to know and crave to know who you are, the essence of who you were while growing up and knowing the constant affirmation that you were accustomed to has been wrapped up in death. Asking my Daddy at his funeral, “Tell me who you thought I’d become”. I sat in silence.

While getting my Masters, I was favored and a professor adjunct at the tender age of 25. Perfecting education but swimming in an identify crisis. Ever been there? Things are coming together but you’re still feeling as an orphan–moving on up like Wheezy and George but still living like you’re in isolation of identity. Thank God for the aha moments of sweet surender to the knowledge that we were created with an internal download of purpose and identity.

There were some things that I wish I never knew and I knew all the while that many of the people guiding me were attempting to find themselves too. The blind leading the blind until one wakes up and opens up to a whole new world filled with wisdom. Extracting the mess and recycling it into a message. I thank you for the space in which you were placed in my life to lead me to the place where I am now.Still growing, not yet perfected, not a Freak, just totally in love with Jesus! Whereever you be, get to the one that set me free from myself and the message of WE. At the end of the day, the Coalition of WE must cease and desist.

Like Tupac, one of my favorite poets once said, ” I Ain’t Mad At Ya!


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