Emotional Healing, Relationships

Love, Orphan Spirit, & the Revolving Door Syndrome

RevolvingDoorOh, the revolving door. Going round and round.

We were created for alot of things in life, but we were not created for revolving doors.

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m thinking of all of the times I went to the aisles of Walmart reading cards for mothers and fathers and walking out of the store in tears because my parents were no longer on the Earth. This pain was deafening and put a huge hole in my heart that I desperately wanted filled.

At the time, it did not really matter who or what filled it, I just wanted the pain to stop. Imagine being totally affirmed and validated on a regular basis and then going cold turkey into a world where you were not sure what voices to believe or who you could trust. Viewing everyone as lambs when they were cloaked with the stench of predators preying on the weak. Life has taught alot about making sure you locate yourself and what you allow into your space.

Revolving doors are for the uncommitted ones not ready to make a decision and actually not having too because they’ve positioned themselves to have God like characteristics that must be passed from this one to that one via sex, communication, or actions. Often raging inside, they have no desire to settle down, and why should they when the door is always being opened for them to come in.

If you never had the validation that you needed or are trying to numb the pain for a trauma that happened in your past, you’re a great candidate for the person who has the revolving door syndrome. Why? You have not come into the knowledge of who you are and how many know……..

yeapYeap………so take a moment and think about it. Did your doorbell ring last night? Did you open it? Did they come in and turn you out? Did you wake up alone wondering what did I just do? Why am I allowing this?…but When are they coming back?

Feeling sure, insecure, elation, disappointment at the same dang time?

Know this….. the Bible (yes, that book), says that Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. That has never changed. It may not be that Satan is showing up at your doorstep in a red jumpsuit with  pitchfork, but you are allowing these entrances into your body, mind, and spirit, that are stripping you of the very essence from understanding your identity in Jesus Christ. It is time to settle your mind and detox from the relationship so that you can come back to your first love….Jesus Christ.

The orphan spirit does not want you to become acquainted with God’s love. It wants you to constantly go on a hunt from relationship to relationship trying to be validated by man and fill your space with temporary fillers when all you need is ONE encounter with the liquid love of Father God to break the chains of that orphan spirit and set you free from the inside out.

Today, I urge you to not pick up that phone. Don’t know what to do?

1.     OCCUPY your time with friends today. If they are deciding to  follow their revolving doors

2.      Pick up the phone at 7:30pm EST and join me for HE FIRST LOVED US!

DNP1 Simply Phone Dial (712) 432-1212 Enter ID: 745-317-479# 

3. Share your time with a local women’s shelter, hospital, or food bank today.

4. Attend a bible study in your local area

5. Pick up a copy of my book, Overcoming the Orphan Spirit: Restoration for Self & Society at http://www.e-junkie.com/Trillionaire/product/489145.php

6. Make a decision to feel good about yourself 24-7 rather than making that person who is a revolving door-er feel good. They constantly pop up at your door because they are CRAVING validation and need to get it from you. I dare you to sit them down and do a John 3:16 on that real quick. Watch that response!

7. Live daily knowing that God loves you and you are his first love. Get a journal and mark this day as the day of your radical change to say no to drama and YES to Jesus. Give him all of you. He will turn your mess into a beautiful message for all to see.

Love you!

Trauma may have been yesterday, but hope does start today!

Danita

 

Grief & Loss

Join us for He First Loved US: Grief Support on Valentine’s Day

DNP1

 

Valentine’s Day can be hard for some. You are not alone. Join us for a different kind of activity….of comfort…..of loss…..of hope!

I hope you can join us for this brief encounter of love, hope, healing. Turn sorrow into peace and allow God’s grace to hold you when you’re torn. #grieftalk #lovesupport

Register FREE here https://www.facebook.com/events/538102512970574/?context=create&ref=42

Dial (712) 432-1212 ID: 745-317-479#

Culture & Communications, Grief & Loss

Is America Still Grieving the Loss of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ?

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We’re ever mindful of the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. today as well as everyday. The fortitude and great courage displayed under fire to lead a nation into freedom and awareness of self was impeccable. For those that were present on this Earth during the time of his assassination,  I pause to write this post for you.

Is America still grieving the loss of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.?

President Obama eloquently stated at the passing of Nelson Mandela that Mandela does not belong to us, he belongs to the ages. This statement rings true for many who are going through the grieving process. How do we present our loved ones to the ages, a place where there is no reach until death? The process and stages associated with presenting that loved one to the ages is grief (the acknowledgement that our loved ones are no longer among us.)

I wonder how you approached the grief on that low day on April 4, 1968 at 6:10 pm when time stood still for the nation and the world it sits in. For many, the hope of a nation froze like an ice cube in a tray wondering how we as a nation would move forward creating progress towards a more perfect union between races, religions, and genders. How many Marches on Washington have been held to promote peace, how many movements and sit-ins have been established to break the mold on injustice since that time?

Disappointment and grief are two cousins that can knock a person off of their feet. It is like an unwanted house guest that you want to leave and are not certain of the duration of time for their visit. Long after television announcement such as an assassination of a leader has been published, what happens to the hope of the people who vested all of their hope in forward progress? Have their hope dried up like a raisin in the sun? withered like grass? turned into a state of surviving rather than thriving? provoked courage in the face of fear or a screaming settling to accept the current circumstances of this life? Many have said, including my parents, that Dr. Martin Luther King’s mark in their lives was huge and they would not be able to have certain privileges without his contribution and the favor of God on his life.

Think about your approach to grief. I know that we’ve lost loved ones far greater than the relationship of a leader such as Mandela or Dr. Martin Luther King, but looking back at the approach you took once you heard the news of Dr. King’s assassination, where you satisfied with the steps of grief you went through and your approach to it? Where are you today and how have you changed?

For anyone that has gone through the loss of a loved one would say that grief is a refining fire that burns but when you come through it, your perspective is fortified with a great strength that provides peace and courage, an unshakable courage to approach life fearless because you have already loss in life, yet you are alive, and equipped to move forward in peace that your loved one is at peace. Grief is complex, peaceful,  speechless, and confusing all at the same time.

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How do you choose to remember and celebrate the legacy of Dr. King today? While some capitalize on legacy photo shopping Dr. King in a twerkin contest for their club (SAD) or him rocking a gold chain (c’mon people), we could be taking the time to organize coalitions or assisting the efforts of the NAACP in getting clarity about their vision now in 2014 where we have a multiplicity of issues that affect us individually and collectively like mental health and the agonizing reality of how prolonged grief is impacting our race due to the misconceptions that we hold concerning distrust in mental health providers, how religion and our devout love for God keeps us wrapped up tightly in denial that we are acquiring pain but not releasing it. Dr. King’s Day brings us together in harmony yearly for fellowship but should we be galvanizing our communities expanding the vision rather than continuing to celebrate the legacy that froze in 1968? Hear me well, I honor Dr. King and have the highest admiration for his family, but am always challenging myself to do more. I love how every YouTube video of Dr. Bernice King, the daughter of Dr. King, always encourages us to move forward and advance the dream of her father.

So now that many years have gone by and you’ve reflected on how you have processed your grief over the years, how have you made personal change in your life and contributed to the lives of your community?  Creating social and environmental change begins with a choice and a decision to make something of the surroundings that we live in. Giving up and caving in will never resolve issues. If you are disappointed with where the nation is since the death of Dr. King, stop and ask yourself what are you doing to make a difference?

I love community organizing and my time as one in Pittsburgh working with hopeless people who could not see past their current circumstance and surrounding. It is amazing what a cup of coffee and some jazz can do for letting people know that they are not stuck with a memory of Dr. King. No…No. His legacy is very much alive and lives in each one of us. Just as the people of South Africa may be grieving the loss of Mandela, although they have a capable president, they can not erase the effort  and contributions that were made under his leadership. The blueprint that they choose to leave in life will be inspired by his legacy. We too, should do the same. Marches may not be effective, but social media is. What topic are you passionate about? How can you share your story with the masses. Today in honor of the legacy of Dr. King, let this be the day that you draw the line in the sand and move yourself forward to progress, doing something rather than talking about the endless possibilities of it. If Mandela can rise from prisioner to president and Dr. King from minister to global agent for change, what will your story be?

be encouraged……….

GriefTalk group coaching sessions are starting on February 11! Be sure to sign up on the Coaching page!