Community Development/Human Behavior, Uncategorized

Authenti-Scope Conversation Series….Join Today!

Community is Everything!

Authenti-Scope is a closed Facebook group for all you Life Changers out there listening to our Authenti-Scope sessions/FB Lives/ and Audio Teachings and want a place to connect with each other.

If you missed our last Authenti-Scope Session #27, I encourage you to view it on my FB page ( it is marked Session 27) https://www.facebook.com/danitasolomonogandaga

I hope to see each of you tonight on FB Live for Session #28!

Get ready to ‪#ASK each other questions, ‪#Share your victories, ‪#VOICE your struggles, and ‪#SUPPORT each other while we‪#SHOW up to do the work of changing our lives! Doors are ‪#OPEN,

Here is the link, I hope that you’ll join today!~https://www.facebook.com/groups/Authentiscope/

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Grief & Loss, Uncategorized

If I Could Teach an R.I.P. Class……….

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OMG—–grief is SOO Heavy but after a few recovery sessions this week and preparing to teach tonight’s Authenti-Scope on Defining Seasons: The Seasons of Loss got me thinking about ALL the KRAY encounters I have had:
 
If I could teach a RIP (Rest In Peace) class, I’d ask them to:
 
+ Wait until the survivor reaches out to you to share the belongings of the deceased.
+Have a Will and Execute the Last Will and Testament which includes the desires of the deceased.
+NEVER ask if they need anything…the answer is YES, even if these needs can’t always be communicated.
+ I don’t think your aunt knew the Lawd, cause she smoked Black N Milds up until she died. WRONG….Stop it, you never know the relationship a person will have with God at the end of their life.
+REFRAIN from asking, “What did you do with the insurance money?” Did you pay your offering to the church with it?
+ Aunt Sadie wanted me to have her bracelet, the gold one, and you have not even signed her probate paperwork.
+She/he looks so natural in the casket……um…..actually they are not.
+Can you put me and Uncle Earnest on the program when you were ghost from day one.
 
+ ADD YOURS HERE……………………………………
Uncategorized

Coping Through the Holiday Funk- Danita Ogandaga, MSW

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This article is about World Class Funk: Holidays, Loss, & Intensified Feelings.

A client once told me, “Danita, if I could, I wish that I could become a bear to hibernate from Thanksgiving to New Years”. I have heard this statement so many times in my work as a grief recovery coach. The holiday season is naturally a time for persons to be of good cheer but not everyone is reeling from the turkey preparation, fall colored leaves, lines at Starbucks getting your red cups, or frequent trips down neighboring subdivisions to view holiday lights.

My therapist once told me shortly after the loss of both parents that the feelings that we carry and often have are not pasted on watch so they do not obey time and they certainly don’t obey the calendar we follow ritually. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), according to an article published by CNN affects approximately 20% of Americans and are due in part to the cold weather, lack of sunlight, to name a few followed by financial pressure for some. As much as we’d like to drag the Grinch or the person sitting in tears, the stark reality is that grief is real and it takes time. Martha Beck, who writes for O Magazine and is an amazing transformation coach in her own authority, it is important to remember that if we are going to be there for someone during their season of grief that we not try to rush them along. Healing takes time.

Just as water travels through the river, there are people that are walking the streets, working beside you at work, or pushing their cart in the grocery store with you that may find themselves in the first 48 hours of their loss whether that loss is a loved one, foreclosure or loss of house due to fire or other circumstance, prolonged illness, abandonment, rejection, or any other situation. This past week, I encountered what felt like a surge of personal emotions that all seemed to come at once:

  • My sister was rushed into emergency surgery
  • My aunt lost her husband and love of her life
  • I wrapped up a month-long course on Miscarriages and had a moment to remember my own

Although these moments dealt with a person, there are also griefs that are associated with non-persons. Whatever the grief may be, I want to encourage you that you must go through the process and in doing so, ultimately find the strength to place the memory of the things or person that you have lost in a place where you can continue to function.

Here are a few ways that you can begin to make through the days ahead:

  1. Make time to remember- Maybe it was a picture you posted on Facebook  or your favorite memory of the place you loved to attend, make the time to share those experiences with your friends and family.  It may be a simple trip to your favorite ice cream store of a long-distance trip to the island. No matter where it is, make the time to make time to remember. The engagement and the act of giving voice to the memory will provide a connection deeper than you could imagine.
  2. Open up for glimmers of joy- The feeling of guilt can cause you to believe that you are not entitled to laugh in the midst of crying as you mourn or grieve but I want to assure you that this is the best thing for you to do. Your memories can hold the joys as well as the pains associated with losing your loved one and when you remember deep down, you know that your loved one would want you to find glimmers of joy even in a painful time.
  3. Set clear expectations- It may not always be easy to set clear expectations especially when you are crying your eyes out, but it is ok to know that when you have lost someone or something, no one expects you to jump up and down and cheer. Let’s face it, you have just lost something or someone dear to you so of course you are going to cry. Death is a separation until we are reunited again. When couples and family members embrace each other after a short departure or reunion, they cry, right? So, if there is no immediate reunion in site for those things or persons that we have lost, of course there will be tears. Talking to people who are perfect strangers in a support group or grief recovery group can always assist your process.

No matter what you decide to do, maintain your peace that you are doing what is best for you. This is what we want grief to look like and in fact, it is something quite different.

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I encourage you to stay tuned for our February 2016 GriefTalk Recovery Group event that will be held online. For more information, read here.

In the days ahead, stay encouraged. For more products to assist your grief journey, please visit our store.