couples – Page 2 – Danita Ogandaga, MSW

The greatest ruin to the truth is by stretching it! Marriage is a beautiful union that brings two people together for the purpose of fulfilling the complete will of God for their lives. It is the greatest character development project that one can be enrolled in! 1 Corinthians 13 reflects on the be-attitudes of love and challenges us to keep it in the proper perspective for living a complete life.

When I put on that white dress and had that platinum ring slipped onto my finger, I felt like I was the safest, most guarded woman on the planet because I had a man who would shield me from all of the hurt and shame of my past. Someone who would keep me from having to deal with myself and the issues that I tend to use to hold me back from experiencing the best that life has to give. He became my key to not being an Orphan No More and all I had to do was to just show up every morning, say goodmorning, greet him with a smile and give good loving at night–cook food —breakfast, lunch, and dinner and send him on his merry way! Right? Right?

Jill Scott told them, they’re getting in the way of what she’s feeling so much to the point that truth was stretched to the point of having a ruin, a tear, going straight down the middle of my heart the day that I realized that marriage was not a shield from my not having to deal with my stuff, you know the stuff we got locked up under lock and key that we silently stuffed into the storage even though the funk of it seeps through.

Marriage is a reflection. It is a mirror. Unfulfilled with self equals unfulfillment with your mate, insecurity with your mate equals insecurity with yourself. No relationship with God, equates to a life lived in misery because you’re looking to Him or Her to be your daddy and mommy and give you your identify–only when they tell you who really resembling, you run Forest run!

Like the blind leading the blind, three blind mice—you , him, and your crew—the one you can’t seem to shake that just hangs in your corner because she or he is such a fan of your relationship…the one you all choose to tell your secrets to rather than telling each other or for the matter of fact, the Father God.

Like the reality housewives confiding in a circle filled with fire, women ablaze coveting what you have because they have no desire to be told what to do neither north or south—aspiring to run every man who ran them in the past and caused their soul to become bankrupt——adapting to love as a game like Vivica —two can play that game, baby!

I know what it feels like to be an Orphan wanting to be loved and then getting an all out access pass to experience it and then not knowing what to do when it shows up…..like an Orphan being adopted from hell to heaven seeing a clear vision of peace in view and running in the opposite direction……….your itchin for change so why do you run?…..from your healing?…..little boy or liggle girl……..ask God to help you see the truth….stop converting liggle girls to join your rebel cause and you all like Bonnie and Clyde living in the country or on the hillside buying time…….come back to your first love and allow your spirit to get adopted….the papers have already been inked in red—representing the blood of the Lamb……..

The marital itch of six years has brought Darcy and I to a level place of mutual respect and understanding for life’s process to remain in love and committed to each other and the father God…..maintain peace in our home and pray for each other on a regular basis……even when we feel unlovely, we must speak to our rusty selves and speak life in the midst of apparent defeat. Not trying to paint a perfect picture but we serve a perfect God who has access to perfection….so we wake up morning after morning for that Pretty Jesus Kool-aid and apply Calamine Lotion to our skin to calm the marital itch.

Sincerely,

Danita Ogandaga

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Attacking insanity, you know, doing the same thing, the same exact thing that life brings 9-5, 365 round and round, expecting a different result like a person wearing a straight jacket expecting to leave Walmart and come outside and wash then drive his car.

Is a straight jacket straight or does it have you bound in tangled knots with the appearance that it is protecting you from yourself–when in reality, it’s really protecting you from harming others. Today, like an agitator in a washing machine, cycle high, the realization that I gaining with age is amazing that the process of walking in victory is simple steps of consistency in the purposed direction you were meant to travel. The term no pain, no gain rings true and sometimes in life you will endure the pain to get to the gain- although when you’re traversing that road….it almost NEVER seems that way!

Sunshine can not come without the cleansing of the rain just as gold can not be purified without being refined in the fire. You’ll never be able to comprehend if you don’t soon get hooked on phonics.See my point.

Are you tired? Tired of getting soothed like tea from the words of inspiration- something on the inside of you telling you that things can be different- you can improve your situation, you can begin again and follow your purposed dream…but like a person in a straight jacket—you feel a resistance or like Beres Hammond, you’re putting up a resistance? You copy and paste magazine articles to fit your specific situation and look at the outcomed end with much doubt that you can go past step 2 of the 10 steps.

The most painfulest lesson of life that I learned was to move me out of my way! Fasting, Praying, Confessing, was not going to change the stinking thinking that I had engaged in as a result of past hurts and the pain of losing a set of loved ones who meant everything. For those who told you that time heals all wounds…..they lied! God is the only one who can soothe and coat your wounds with his protective “liquid skin” washing you with the water of his word so that you’ll never feel the pain again.

In this life, I realized that with everything, the desicion to succeed, get saved, marry one man, and maintaining natural hair starts with a quality decision- to let go of the popular belief strand of floating through life taking whatever comes your way, staying religious toting a bible and sipping on Henny, having an “open” marriage, or perming your hair—they all begin from the root of a quality decision made.

Likewise, the decision to step from doubt and fear into faith is a gigantic step and will require going against the grain and often the pain—seeing well into your desired state although you facing foreclosure, lost a job, or in process of divorcing a mate. We have the power to change our circumstances with our mouth——calling “money cometh” or “Job cometh” or “man cometh” or healing cometh” when we “feel” every sense of doubt.

When I became engaged to Darcy, the best gift that he gave me was not a platinum ring (although that is a phenomenal gift to receive 🙂 rather a shopping trip into the bookstore of our church allowing me to purchase tape series of subjects that I was struggling with as a result of grieving my parents, succeeding in life with a Spirit of Self-Preservation, Trusting that my “mate” would not die like my parents died, and the bold lie that i was so successful that I did not want to have children to take me off my path—you know the little big lies and things we tell ourselves to keep going like an energizer bunny to keep the bosses and ‘them happy!

The shopping trip was preceded with a visit to me in Pittsburgh during my days as a professor and consultant, I was happy to see my friend again! When he showed up at the airport, he was glowing like an angel, and later that night, I found myself getting rededicated and Darcy leading me through the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. Most, of all, like Joyce and Dave Meyer, he knew that I was an accomplished professional that was hurting on the inside.

It never clicked inside that my life would change to this magnitude that God would interrupt my plans to heal me and them put me back into school before I got too caught up in the mindset of the world—-selah and think about the goodness of God and how he craft fully interrupts our plans to love on us—-what a love!

Sincerely,

Danita Ogandaga

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Tag: couples

The Marital Itch

iNsAnItY: the illusion of security