Putting Labels & People in Their Place


On a daily basis, we are given the names which ultimately define us within a block of time. Mommy from 12 midnight to 5, social worker from 6am-7pm, wife for all of the time in between. These names or labels, as I call them, can cause us to be on a never-ending tail spin of understanding that we are and having a conflicted identity. When the roles overlap, we find ourselves feeling inadequate of not giving an attentive balance to one group over the other and feelings of insecurity abound. Times such as these compromise our pursuit of peace and the extension of it in our lives.

The bible specifically instructs us on how to handle situations with peace. Despite what we have heard on Sunday morning, many of us are not able to carry that strength of overcoming throughout the week and are weary and in need of a refill because we are laddered with care and shame. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that shame is the cousin of pain and pain is the result of something missing with the desire to fill the need in another area. If you have not been told that you are a good mommy, it can rock you to your core so that every time you prepare to do mommy duties, the tape plays and it sounds like this, “You’re so not good enough, you could not even cook your family a home cooked meal. Why do you rely on a housekeeper to keep your family clean? You are so not a good mother.

In our attempts to reach out to “fix” this situation at home, it often causes us to overcompensate in other areas of life such as work for example and we strive to be the very best that we can be within this environment until we excel and achieve and eventually abandon or accept the lie of not being “good enough” in our home domestication duties. In addition to the overcompensation, we also develop attitudes and behaviors of passive aggression because of our unwillingness to confront a situation that had become to overbearing for us. In small outbursts, you make your distain for a situation known because you are unwilling to address and confront truth because of the days that we were taught to suppress and take the issue to God in prayer. I am not saying that this is wrong and I am a believer that all things should go to God in prayer; however, as women (and sometimes men, if you are reading this post), can get into a situation where we are unwilling to approach and confront truth due to the false humility that the spirit of religion has taught us and that is to take the aggression of the issue that we are facing into our self and find a way to suppress and forgive it in silence. This may be the case sometimes, but as many of you know, sometimes you must rock the boat and confront, confront, confront. Jesus did bear our burdens so we don’t have to suppress and wear them, and in addition to all of this, He also ensured that we were forever redeemed from drama and the trauma associated with it. Because of this, we can be assured, with confidence, that we are enough, and God loves us no matter what we may be facing. 

Oh how the devil is a liar……..

You are more than just a mommy, a wife, an employee, you are God’s favorite and He wants for you to stop allowing society to place all of these burdensome labels on you. He wants you to walk in peace and joy each day knowing that you are making a difference in whatever sector you are in. Even on your worst day, the power of God is available to be your strength. One of my favorite scriptures in 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that “His strength is perfected in our weakness” so you see, we are more than enough.

How do you put labels in their proper place? Study these tips and add them to your daily routine!

  1. Know that you are good enough (1 Corinthians 3:16 Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?)
  2. Defy the lie (1 John 5:1 Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him.)
  3. Everyone has days of growth so when you miss it, keep moving(Romans 3:10As it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one)
  4. Ask God to reveal your worth (2 Timothy 2:7 Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.)
  5. Seek therapy to heal from past trauma if you are having difficulty letting go (Deut 29:29 “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.)
  6. Confess the word of God over your life daily. No matter what time of day it is and how often you have to switch hats, confess the following over your life until faith in what you say becomes more real than the role you are playing, “ God, I know that you made me and I broke the mold. No matter what hats or labels I wear on a daily basis, keep me aware as to what my ultimate label is. I am a blessed child of God that is destined for success in every area of my life. Even on my worst day, you still make the difference in my life and you have always been, you are, and forever will be my strength. In Jesus name, Amen.

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Emotional Healing, Uncategorized

Looking Inward- Orphan No More

ImageOn a given day we assess so many things, whether a report at work or the amount of apples in the refrigerator before making that stop to the grocery store. Consistently evaluating to see if our subject measures up to the stated standard of our upper’s approval.

It is so easy to see how one could then apply that mindset to the navigation tool of their own life and seek to be adopted by the standard of Mother Earth…feeling like an Orphan…separated by our once reality, the constant voice who always stabilized us in our uncertain times…thinking why like Corinne Bailey Rae, why we are not quick to let our guard down, cautious and walking on ice with every relationship that comes our way, ready to show our ID to justify our age when we know we’re over 21 and oh so grown!

A tweet here, a post there, and an entry on the blog all seem to soothe the soul because writing is what I do. Making strides to be all that God wants me to be creates a constant put on my mentals when I do not seem to identify with the traditions that history originally footprinted me into. How many people do you know seek for validation? My God, this is such an intimate and red faced topic but who gets it? Validation defined is to recognize, establish, or illustrate the worthiness or legitimacy of. I remember hearing when TD Jakes father passed, the poignant moment of his message that resonated with me was the time when he stood over his father’s grave commanding him to remind him of who he’d become and what would he be. Once a happy go lucky young boy walking it the footsteps of his father was now thinking the heavy thoughts of an orphan. Similarly, it felt as if the fabric of my identity was stripped when my parents passed away. Relationships with people and place did not appear to be the same. Interests that once captivated me did not. I remember getting in my car and running away….driving until my car was on empty unwilling to face the reality that I was going to learn to live life without them. My validity did not matter because it was swallowed up in silence and therefore so I became until God found me.

Coming out of validation addiction is like a person being weaned off of hard drug-.one step at a time, intense introspection, and the Word of God. It can be done and I am so sure of this. As a public affairs professional, servant of the Lord, doctoral student, and organizational consultant, absolutely everything that I do is heavily scrutinized by various eyes commenting and adding to or subtracting from the reality that I seek to create. As you move away from the reality of the world and into faith or from the seat of negativity to the seat of positivity, or even from the diaspora mindset to the kingdom mindset, you will not be able to allow the validation to move you. If the likers LIKE your post, it is really appreciated, if they comment, that is great too; but now more than ever, the time to be free is nigh.I am walking this out and it is liberating as you come into your Godself. When Adam and Eve were in the garden they were naked- chilling absolutely in the garden and wandering around until someone brought to their attention that they were NAKED (exposed). Their internal reality and peace had suddenly been overturned and what they believed to be true on the inside of them—the peace that passed all understanding had succumbed to the external reality around them. As a result they began to change—their clothes, their mindsets, etc.

Don’t allow the status and pictures on Facebook or other social media outlets to shake your core and make you believe that you are not valuable! Stop looking to the media to validate your existence or tell you how you can get a man in 15 days when they can’t even begin to tell you biblically how to keep him. Refrain from attempting to try social drugs at a house party or lounge because that one experience can get you hooked to a substance for life! Seen the METH billboards? Retreat to the top of your stairs or lay and stare at the ceiling and ask God to reveal himself to you and show you the plans that HE has for you! His plans and His validation are sure and trust me you will never be shaken.   

I think it is time. Yes, it is time.

© OrphanNoMorePodcast. www.danitaogandaga.com