Grief & Loss

“All Lives Lost”: Grieving w/the Families of Flight 370




mayaRecent reports rang throughout the world that all lives have been lost and the Malaysian Flight 370 loaded with approximately 239 passengers from all backgrounds, nationalities, and religions have perished.

In a recent interview, Prime Minister Najib Razak reported that the airline responded via text message declaring its “deepest regrets leading to an assumption that Flight MH 370 has been lost and that none of those on-board survived.”

Suddenly, a loud wailing burst forth from families whose repetitive questions week after week since this suspicious and mysterious vanishing of the plane led to no clue of understanding where their family members are. We can only imagine how helpless they must have felt to be in such a state with no definitive answers of the last moments of their loved ones.

This type of grief produces complicated grief for many where there is no finality associated with the death of a loved one and no proper burial or resting place. The passengers aboard were not just that or crew, they were fathers, children, mothers, sisters, brothers, cousin, and friends. We take this time to pray for those who are survivors of the lost.

In the days ahead, the tasks of grief may seem complicated but we wish the family peace in gaining acceptance for the loss of their loved ones. The tasks of grief, developed by William J. Worden include

  1. Accepting the reality of loss
  2. Experiencing the pain of grief
  3. Adjusting to a life without the deceased
  4. Withdrawing emotional energy and investing in other relationships.

All of these things will not be done overnight, we pray for the strength of the families in the days ahead.



Ephphatha! Be Opened!

Society has many doors to go through. When we are born, we become the children of our parents and learn their mores and values. Once they die we become orphans according to the cultural system.

The beauty of the paths that we take is no matter how far we go away from our original birthplace, we always have a way of coming back home to the embrace of Father God.

No matter what distractions that you may face today, don’t get weary. Jobs are decreasing daily and value of the almighty dollar is fading; yet amid all of this, you have the fortitude that you need on the inside of you to make it through any circumstance that you face.

Ask Father God to open your ears and eyes to him and for you to begin to see things as he sees them and to keep your perspective aerial.

You can make it!

Let this song by Carrie Allwine comfort you.

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Putting Labels & People in Their Place


On a daily basis, we are given the names which ultimately define us within a block of time. Mommy from 12 midnight to 5, social worker from 6am-7pm, wife for all of the time in between. These names or labels, as I call them, can cause us to be on a never-ending tail spin of understanding that we are and having a conflicted identity. When the roles overlap, we find ourselves feeling inadequate of not giving an attentive balance to one group over the other and feelings of insecurity abound. Times such as these compromise our pursuit of peace and the extension of it in our lives.

The bible specifically instructs us on how to handle situations with peace. Despite what we have heard on Sunday morning, many of us are not able to carry that strength of overcoming throughout the week and are weary and in need of a refill because we are laddered with care and shame. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that shame is the cousin of pain and pain is the result of something missing with the desire to fill the need in another area. If you have not been told that you are a good mommy, it can rock you to your core so that every time you prepare to do mommy duties, the tape plays and it sounds like this, “You’re so not good enough, you could not even cook your family a home cooked meal. Why do you rely on a housekeeper to keep your family clean? You are so not a good mother.

In our attempts to reach out to “fix” this situation at home, it often causes us to overcompensate in other areas of life such as work for example and we strive to be the very best that we can be within this environment until we excel and achieve and eventually abandon or accept the lie of not being “good enough” in our home domestication duties. In addition to the overcompensation, we also develop attitudes and behaviors of passive aggression because of our unwillingness to confront a situation that had become to overbearing for us. In small outbursts, you make your distain for a situation known because you are unwilling to address and confront truth because of the days that we were taught to suppress and take the issue to God in prayer. I am not saying that this is wrong and I am a believer that all things should go to God in prayer; however, as women (and sometimes men, if you are reading this post), can get into a situation where we are unwilling to approach and confront truth due to the false humility that the spirit of religion has taught us and that is to take the aggression of the issue that we are facing into our self and find a way to suppress and forgive it in silence. This may be the case sometimes, but as many of you know, sometimes you must rock the boat and confront, confront, confront. Jesus did bear our burdens so we don’t have to suppress and wear them, and in addition to all of this, He also ensured that we were forever redeemed from drama and the trauma associated with it. Because of this, we can be assured, with confidence, that we are enough, and God loves us no matter what we may be facing. 

Oh how the devil is a liar……..

You are more than just a mommy, a wife, an employee, you are God’s favorite and He wants for you to stop allowing society to place all of these burdensome labels on you. He wants you to walk in peace and joy each day knowing that you are making a difference in whatever sector you are in. Even on your worst day, the power of God is available to be your strength. One of my favorite scriptures in 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that “His strength is perfected in our weakness” so you see, we are more than enough.

How do you put labels in their proper place? Study these tips and add them to your daily routine!

  1. Know that you are good enough (1 Corinthians 3:16 Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?)
  2. Defy the lie (1 John 5:1 Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him.)
  3. Everyone has days of growth so when you miss it, keep moving(Romans 3:10As it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one)
  4. Ask God to reveal your worth (2 Timothy 2:7 Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.)
  5. Seek therapy to heal from past trauma if you are having difficulty letting go (Deut 29:29 “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.)
  6. Confess the word of God over your life daily. No matter what time of day it is and how often you have to switch hats, confess the following over your life until faith in what you say becomes more real than the role you are playing, “ God, I know that you made me and I broke the mold. No matter what hats or labels I wear on a daily basis, keep me aware as to what my ultimate label is. I am a blessed child of God that is destined for success in every area of my life. Even on my worst day, you still make the difference in my life and you have always been, you are, and forever will be my strength. In Jesus name, Amen.

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