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Welcome to 2013!

Welcome to 2013!

For all the waiting, watching, wondering, wailing, whispering, and willfull thinking that you have done know that all that you do to make peace with yourself, others, and God is not going unnoticed. This is a simple reminder to you to endure. Welcome to your year!

God loves you strong,

Danita*

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Relationships, Uncategorized

Get Up & Go Home: Breaking Soul Ties

Vibe-Vixen-90-Day-Rule

Watching the television for moments at a time these days can translate into to almost catching a case of the “Man I remember that” moments if you are not careful. From the Housewives of New Jersey and Atlanta  to Marrying the Game to Mr. and Mrs. Jones, the world is hard knocked focused on watching so many women and men continue to sell themselves short while they are going through and agonizing season of singlehood. Although it has not been published alot, not everyone is following the Jones’s and you can have heaven on earth in the arms of one man and not playing the role of Jezebel on steroids thugging your way into the arms of another man.

I’ve spent the later part of this year providing expressive therapy to man women and men who are dealing with abandonment and  orphaned issues which have created a centrality of trauma causing them to, in anger, and often times without feeling, engage in extra marital relationships or become the subject add-on of one functioning as a mistress or mister. Either way, the development of these relationships was birthed out of pain and the need to feel desired while secure. Through a process of identifying a type of person that could be massaged into a profile suitable for sex on the side, these affairs sickly provide a safe haven for the emotional to feel at ease.

In the midst of feeling at ease, once the sex has died down, the making of a soul tie has manifested and as you already know, condoms may be able to keep you from getting pregnant, but they will NOT prevent you from developing a soul tie.

So what is it already? A soul tie is an emotional attachment that is developed via vows, commitments, sexual or emotional exchanges that people engage in. The process of the exchange creates a bridge where information and needs are communicated and transferred. Woman are the holders of the majority of the information and needs that are transferred simply because of the nature of our anatomy. We are receivers so the development of the soul tie is stored within us.

From Mark to Corinthians, the bible is clear about the joining of one man and one woman together and the forming of a unit. Imagine when that unit between a woman and a man is comprised with the continual revolving door of relationships and soul ties that develop as a result of break-ups to make-ups to meet-ups to sex-up, etc.

2013 is the beginning of a new era of grace and God wants you to walk free of the shame of your past so if you are holding this pattern of why am I constantly choosing this person over and over again, it may be time to stop looking at the person and the spirit of the person whose pattern keeps vying for your attention.

The Orphan No More podcast and Danitaogandaga.com Expressive Therapy is here to remind you that God loves you, in fact, He always has and always will love you and you can get free of every bondage that you have been entangled with. There is power in the name of Jesus to break each and every chain that holds you bound.

There is good news if you want to break out of your chain:

  1. Simply ask God to deliver you of the sin that you are entangled with. Then repent asking God for forgiveness and purpose in your heart to turn completely away from Pookie and Tyrone even when it gets cold outside.
  2. Reverse the curse. Renounce any and every tie that you have had with a person or persons. Proverbs 21:23 in the message translation says He who guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from calamity. Well, that means that you have the power to speak life and continue to thank God for your deliverance.
  3. Forgive Yourself and the Offenders. From Genesis to Revelations, there are so many scriptures that encourage us to forgive. The main person to forgive is yourself. When we come to our senses, we actually realize that we were led away and distracted but now that we are sober, we should forgive ourselves as well as the parties involved.

Most importantly, know that God loves you and He always will. There is nothing that you can do to prevent Him from loving you. I encourage you to keep walking forward in the direction of your healing and in the days ahead, keep reading scriptures that feed your faith and starve your doubts.

For more intensive work in dealing with the trauma of your past, check out our Get to Work+Services section on our website. Group and individual coaching and expressive therapy will begin the second week of January 2013.

God bless you!

Emotional Healing, Relationships

We Wear the Mask- Remixed

Hey Boo! Are you tired yet? Trust me, I’ve worn it too. Release the pain to God and be your authentic you. Pain is pint size and can fit into most of our purses and be carried around like a compact. We find ourselves taking it out at every stop, looking into the mirror and smearing the pain on our faces. Pain loves to be held and snuggled and it grows with each passing moment because the more you hold onto it, the more it attaches itself to your hopes, dreams, desires, and being.

If you are thinking about the number of masks that you have worn in your life, I’ve got your attention and that is a great thing because frankly, I am exhausted with wearing mine. When I realized that God wanted my heart not the pretense mock up of myself, it began to make perfect sense as to why we try to float through life as though everything is okay. Let me tell you something that I have just discovered in my thirty-four years on this earth…………..

*ish stinks!

It can be very subtle and alarming at first but gradually overtime, that thing that we try to disclose will be exposed for all the world to see and our vices that used to protect us and insulate us so strongly like an armored truck will no more and we are left at a crossroads to deal……..

the abortion that you never healed from………..

the graduation that you never reached…………

not making peace with the scale and falling into a box of twinkies night after night……….

kissing her while you are imagining yourself wanting to be kissed by him but he’s married……….

and a whole host of things that we as a population of people are dealing with. People magazine does not do the world justice at all in capturing the spirit of issues that are affecting the human race.  Amid the glamour and the cars, and the celebrities toting lattes down the street, are a population of people strung out on dope without hope and sitting on the kitchen floor wondering how to cut themselves in silence. When you don’t talk, you get talked to and for anyone that has dealt with the silence of yourself, you can relate to what I am saying.

The devil is not a red tailed imp that we see on television or in movies. He is real and has a purpose that is laid out in John 10:10 where it says, “Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but God came to ensure that we have access to an abundant life.” So there……..we know that his purpose for us is not good because if left up to him we would suffocate in our mask and never take it off!

Something smells a little funky……….I know because I used to  smell funky too. Spraying perfume on my face and wearing Noxema to  hid the marks of my mask and ready to defend myself against anyone who would dare to recognize that I was wearing one. The good news is no one can make you come to the realization that you are not being yourself like you. You are with you consistently and are familiar with all of your ways just like God is, so sniff, sniff, and tell me what you smell?

One of my fav poets, Paul Laurence Dunbar drafted a poem that touched me in the day when the paper and pen were my coveted friend. His poem goes like this…..

WE wear the mask that grins and lies, It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—  This debt we pay to human guile; With torn and bleeding hearts we smile, and mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise, In counting all our tears and sighs?  Nay, let them only see us, while   We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries     To thee from tortured souls arise. We sing, but oh the clay is vile beneath our feet, and long the mile; but let the world dream otherwise, We wear the mask!

Take a minute and think about the enormity of this poem and the message that Paul was attempting to convey with it. If you have a journal with you now as you read my post, take a minute and write any ideas that are coming to mind as a result of wearing your mask. So now that you have done so, let’s explore how do we go about getting rid of the mask?

  1. Get Tired– When you come to the end of yourself and realize that God is and has always been your comforter, you will reach the point where you say enough is really enough and you go to that closet of masks and rip them out one by one. Realizing that you are not and were not called to be all things to all people and that you possess an authentic self is so liberating. All of the crowds that you frequent with dread, the relationships that you attempt to upkeep when you know the content is not quality and the environment is so toxic, there is nothing like freedom. In the words of my faithful Facebook friend, Ayene Joel, “Mask Alwayz falls Down One Day… Alwayz…”
  2. Realize that it’s ok to be you- When you were growing up, did you ever feel as though you had to contain who you really were in order to be accepted in a group, even if that group was your own home? I can remember wanting to watch country music and my siblings wanting to watch Rap City. I remember the times that I would go to school and my classmates would be talking about the latest fashion and trends yet I would be thinking about if my father remembered to take his medication and what he and my mother were going to want to do when I got home. All of us are at different junctions in our life and we are traveling the same road in life; yet many of us are taking various detours and routes that are not all in sync. It is easy to see someone along the road of life that may be more advanced than you or more prettier than you or whatever it may be. Seize the opportunity to be consistent in knowing that you are valuable and you have a purpose in this life. God made you and had greatness in mind when you were born. It does not matter if you felt as though you were an accident to your parents; God has a way of turning your thoughts to become agreeable to His will for your life. Realize and accept the purpose in your path.
  3. Surrender the pain–  Erykah Badu asked a very simple, yet poignant statement, “Bag lady, you gonna hurt your back, carrying all them bags like that. I guess no one never told you that all you must hold on to is you!” It is so easy to try to save someone that may or may not be saved. This is a common thread in the life of a caregiver. Caregivers hold a special place in my life because I was one to my parents and can identify with the feeling that you get when you want something for someone, at times, more than they want it for themselves. You wonder, well why can’t they just see what you see, but remember, that same train of thought that you hold for them, God holds for you! God wants you to trust him with the pain that you are feeling and find a place of peace to release the pain to him. God hearts you and wants you to be free.

In short, we all get tired, tired of working, tired of shopping, tired of writing, and tired of working. We all have reached the point of being tired of wearing the mask. This is your permission to take it off. What God has for you is far greater than you’ve ever imagined but you’ve gotta take the mask off and clean your face so that you can be annointed with His joy as you accept your call to His authentic grace.

He loves us, God that is…..,

Danita