man – Danita Ogandaga, MSW

Pac-Man and Faith

05/20/2016 danitaogandaga

pac man

As long as we live in this world we will be faced with situations that can easily take us out of our peace.Many of these situations are due to the factor that we are reliving our past or frantic about the future and have skipped over the beautiful place called now. Now is filled with twists and turns, ups and downs, whirls and twirls, enough noise to make you believe that you are in the midst of an emotional tornado.

Thoughts twirling to and fro………

Storms may come on a daily basis and cause us to believe if this thing called faith is really worth it. Like why do I want to expend the energy of believing in something that I can not see? This was how I used to feel with all of the things that took place in my life. When I left my academic position in Pittsburgh teaching Social Work, my family thought that I was crazy to leave that security for marriage and Ground Zero in Atlanta. I was not fully secure when I would speak to them about my decision and as a result, the mental and emotional tornado would wreak havoc on my life. Shortly after I would have the conversation with my family, my loving fiancee’would get a tongue thrashing filled with doubt and disbelief.

“Why am I doing this?”, I would ask this question about twenty times. It felt like I was in the middle of a maze or labyrinth with no chance for escape.

Thoughts are persistent like our prayers, doubt is consistent like God’s promises yet we must make a choice to face the uncomfortable, live in the now, love ourselves, stop seeking approval, and accept that our path is unique and God made. Could it be that you have reached the expiration of your dreams and it is time to come aboard and commit yourself to following what God has put in your heart to do? Is it time to separate from that leaching crowd that is sucking all of the entrepreneurial innovation our of you? Only you would know the answer to that.

The other day I chose to journal and while doing so, I began to think about the game Pac-Man and how I would play it to relieve stress. The game is much like real life where we encounter things that cause us to feel as though we are being chased with no options for rescue, still in the moments of pursuit, we find strength to conquer the ghosts, demons, troubles, and issues of our past and present.

The thing that I realize about this game was that Pac-Man was designed to have no ending – as long as at least one life was left. Such a profound statement and even more revelation. Trouble is not designed to end but we are designed to realize that we have one life and must make it count. Then it clicked, just as the bible tells us, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” That time may not be today or tomorrow, but if we continue to believe in the love God has for us and the promises, we can learn to rest in what he says he will do for us and that is to bless and keep us.

There is no end to trouble but we have been given resources to assist us in dealing with the trouble we face. It’s important to get clear that we are not to absorb time to seeking the approval of others because that can lend us to unnecessary emotional pain that we are trying to clarify within ourselves.

Two pain free ways that you can rid your life of the trail of emotions that comes with trials is journaling and Pac-Man. Journaling is a great way to get it out and free yourself so that you can move forward knowing that although the challenges are coming, you can break away and release. For me, my second break away was Pac-Man…..it was where I learned how to practice faith in the midst of distractions. Focus in the lifeline (fruit) and keep it moving.

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Coping Through the Holiday Funk- Danita Ogandaga, MSW

11/05/201511/05/2015 danitaogandaga

This article is about World Class Funk: Holidays, Loss, & Intensified Feelings.

A client once told me, “Danita, if I could, I wish that I could become a bear to hibernate from Thanksgiving to New Years”. I have heard this statement so many times in my work as a grief recovery coach. The holiday season is naturally a time for persons to be of good cheer but not everyone is reeling from the turkey preparation, fall colored leaves, lines at Starbucks getting your red cups, or frequent trips down neighboring subdivisions to view holiday lights.

My therapist once told me shortly after the loss of both parents that the feelings that we carry and often have are not pasted on watch so they do not obey time and they certainly don’t obey the calendar we follow ritually. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), according to an article published by CNN affects approximately 20% of Americans and are due in part to the cold weather, lack of sunlight, to name a few followed by financial pressure for some. As much as we’d like to drag the Grinch or the person sitting in tears, the stark reality is that grief is real and it takes time. Martha Beck, who writes for O Magazine and is an amazing transformation coach in her own authority, it is important to remember that if we are going to be there for someone during their season of grief that we not try to rush them along. Healing takes time.

Just as water travels through the river, there are people that are walking the streets, working beside you at work, or pushing their cart in the grocery store with you that may find themselves in the first 48 hours of their loss whether that loss is a loved one, foreclosure or loss of house due to fire or other circumstance, prolonged illness, abandonment, rejection, or any other situation. This past week, I encountered what felt like a surge of personal emotions that all seemed to come at once:

My sister was rushed into emergency surgery
My aunt lost her husband and love of her life
I wrapped up a month-long course on Miscarriages and had a moment to remember my own

Although these moments dealt with a person, there are also griefs that are associated with non-persons. Whatever the grief may be, I want to encourage you that you must go through the process and in doing so, ultimately find the strength to place the memory of the things or person that you have lost in a place where you can continue to function.

Here are a few ways that you can begin to make through the days ahead:

Make time to remember- Maybe it was a picture you posted on Facebook or your favorite memory of the place you loved to attend, make the time to share those experiences with your friends and family. It may be a simple trip to your favorite ice cream store of a long-distance trip to the island. No matter where it is, make the time to make time to remember. The engagement and the act of giving voice to the memory will provide a connection deeper than you could imagine.
Open up for glimmers of joy- The feeling of guilt can cause you to believe that you are not entitled to laugh in the midst of crying as you mourn or grieve but I want to assure you that this is the best thing for you to do. Your memories can hold the joys as well as the pains associated with losing your loved one and when you remember deep down, you know that your loved one would want you to find glimmers of joy even in a painful time.
Set clear expectations- It may not always be easy to set clear expectations especially when you are crying your eyes out, but it is ok to know that when you have lost someone or something, no one expects you to jump up and down and cheer. Let’s face it, you have just lost something or someone dear to you so of course you are going to cry. Death is a separation until we are reunited again. When couples and family members embrace each other after a short departure or reunion, they cry, right? So, if there is no immediate reunion in site for those things or persons that we have lost, of course there will be tears. Talking to people who are perfect strangers in a support group or grief recovery group can always assist your process.

No matter what you decide to do, maintain your peace that you are doing what is best for you. This is what we want grief to look like and in fact, it is something quite different.

I encourage you to stay tuned for our February 2016 GriefTalk Recovery Group event that will be held online. For more information, read here.

In the days ahead, stay encouraged. For more products to assist your grief journey, please visit our store.

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$0.79 Therapy- The Movement of Grace

01/12/201301/13/2013 danitaogandaga

Seek to make changes that go beyond the cosmetic and behavior. These things will play a part in your development and transition into a new perspective. Simply changing yourself from the outside in is not enough. Change happens from the inside out because God is working in us.

One of my favorite scriptures is Ezekiel 36: 25, it says:

25 “Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. 26 And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.[b] 27 And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.

Cleansing alone does not create adjustment. It requires an mind renewal and perspective change administered by the Holy Spirit. Experience the unforced rhythm of God’s grace today and let it change your traumatic situation. No matter what you have been through, you can recover all!

God loves you. He always has and He always will.