Quickies, Rough Necks, and the Orphan Heart of a Woman


IF YOU’VE EVER BEEN ABUSED (sexually, verbally, or mentally) you’ll remember when pulling hair, talking loud,calling you out of your name all meant a brother loved you. Professing rough necks over preppy dudes, bored and wanting more. When you met the love of your life and he softly caressed your hair, you asked him what was wrong BECAUSE LOVE DON’T FEEL LIKE THAT…IT SUPPOSED TO HURT. On your wedding night you wondered why a brother took his time in the art of lovemaking rather than a drive-by quickie? You even asked him, what was wrong BECAUSE LOVE DON’T FEEL LIKE THAT…IT SUPPOSED TO BE QUICK. Now the love of your life confused wondering why he’s not enough for you. Okay…seriously disturbed.

I overheard this song in the gym yesterday, bobbing to it (I’m a music lover) until the lyrics got me choked like a chicken bone in my neck. WHA–WHAT? An artist wrote a song about a vulnerable sister vomiting a lyrical love manifesto saying “I’ll just go ahead and give you my treasure, it’s just sex, making love is for whimps, I don’t love myself, so I can’t be good to you, let’s just f (bleep), forget the what-ifs (pregnancy, STD’s and AIDS), no emotions attached. WHA-What? Strong set up for sexual addictions. The most vivid example of schizophrenia I’ve ever met. Wake up & rebel against tossing your purity, & distinguish between reality and fantasy.Let God restore you. You were made for more. My heart grieves for the woman on this picture because although cartoonish, she does exist and she is out there thinking that this collection of abuse that she experiencing is her forever reality. Like the woman who was at the well, she is an awesome candidate to experience the love of Father God and be set free from the chains that bound her. #orphannomore


Emotional Healing

God: The Mender

photo: Annekata

Life is filled with swift transition. There are so many turns that lead you sometimes back to first base. Know that these are times of re-direction and your determined purpose should be to remain calm and stay focused. God loves you and He is aware of everything that is within your environment. He is the greatest system and holistic thinker I’ve ever met.With each day you will grow stronger than the day before and soon you will be able to see the situation you are in for what it really is…..an opportunity to offer your testimony of victory to another along the way proclaiming, “He, (God), the mender, heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
See you next week, as we resume our $0.79 Therapy writing sessions!

Grace and Peace for your journey,

Danita Solomon Ogandaga

Culture & Communications

The Birds, The Bees, & Being A Brown Boy in America

In the recent days since the senseless shooting of Trayvon Martin, I sit here perplexed while writing this post, how the mother of this young man is doing. What thoughts may be going through her mind as well as the state of his father and the same. Seeing my two year old walking down the flight of stairs, after recently gliding down them on her belly is amazing to see and yet my mind races forward to her walking down the aisle as she looks at me with such confidence as I imagine her saying to me, “Mommy I got this!”. I do not have a son as of yet, but my heart aches for every brown boy in America that is being raised up in a society where the mis-education of the Negro is rampant and the ever distorted attack on history, heritage, and identity spreads across society like wildflowers.

In my mind, I wonder what the conversation would be a parent would have with their son, especially, if he is brown in color. I wonder what the words of strength, clarity, instruction, and comfort would be to ensure their success in this world we live. In the days following the tragedy of this young man’s life, I reverted back to the time when I would see my father usher my brother to the backyard outside our house. Most times, they would retreat to the back of the house to have their proverbial “man talks”. Man, how I wish that I could be a part of the conversation of how my father shared with my brother his hopes and past; his encouragement for my brother, and the powerful transfer of identity. There is nothing more powerful than to know who you are and where you originated from.

Excuse me for a moment, I must get this off of my chest and onto the paper: My brown brothers who are saggin, please stop. Although culture called us NIGGAS (SAGGIN spelled backwards), you don’t have to carry yourself as one nor adopt the prison origination of that fashion statement. Wearing a belt never halted progress; rather, it secured it.

Seeing how my father and brother would talk out in the backyard caused me to wonder for boys, in particular, brown boys, what is the conversation that is had when fathers and mothers must discuss the developmental issues that only boys face, like puberty, acne, confidence, attitude and positive speaking, and the infamous “the birds and the bees”. Turning on CNN and NBC to ABC, watching the multitude of young brown boys wearing a hoodie toting skittles and a can in hand brings me to chill while I pray and wonder what is the message parents are communicating to their sons about being a Brown Boy in America and all over the world.

While attending a non HBCU (Hist, I had the experience to see the issue of profiling firsthand while walking on the block from class evening after evening and seeing young brown men being stopped by campus security and flashing lights beckoning them their cars to a grand halt. Not sure of what the circumstances where surrounding the issue of probable cause, but I remember praying for their safety even then, because situations of non-sense can cause a serious irritation on the mind especially when all you are attempting to do is get back to your room. I remember asking God to keep the young men calm so that there would be no issues on the back end and for them to be healed from the profiling so their spirit would not be dampened and they’d be focused on why they came to the university in the first place- to get educated and no profiled in the process.

How do you acknowledge a senseless death and the subconscious racism that follows our brown boys in America and throughout? From the projects to the gated communities, wearing hoodies or business suits, what is the language you say to prepare your sons for living day to day? My prayers go out to the Martin family and for parents all over the world. In many ways, this incident has left an indelible scar on our young brown boys and I am consistently asking God that they not be drenched in fear of walking to and fro in the days to come. I am hoping that the laws will be amended and the Stand Your Ground Law will properly reflect the life-saving not perception of danger and granted to use deadly force. We all know that paranoia leads to pop-pop (sound of the cold steel) and another mother watching her son’s hopes and dreams turn to tragedy and shared with the world on the cold tel-e-vision.

Identity is contagious…….pass it on….

Utmost love & respect,

Danita Ogandaga

Copyrighted 2012