Category: Grief & Loss

Grief & Loss

5 Things The Grief Experience Taught Me

danitaogandaga

#5- FACE YOUR FEAR: Death, grief, & loss often makes people uncomfortable because it affords them an up close opportunity to face fears that they’ve had about their own experience. No matter how secure we’d like to be in our relationships, jobs, homes, and life, change is inevitable and so is loss. The only constant thing is God so put your all in Him.

#4-  DON’T SAY THAT!– Although we know it spiritually, during the time of grief, some are not ready to hear, ” They are in a better place!” or “You’re young, you can have more kids!”. Take the time to acknowledge the loss of the person they loved as they prepare for that person no longer physically being in their space or grieve the loss of the child (that child) before attempting to replace. The time to stuff, repress, and repress, must stop. Some people need to heal.

#3- It’s OK to not be OK. We believe in the word of God and know the power of confession however we must know that living in perpetual denial is . Own your shadow (grief, pain, hurt), acknowledge it to God and in that confess peace while working through your pain. Know thyself but know God!

#2- Today is NOT cancelled. As much as it may seem like a major task to get out of bed after the loss of a loved one, job, or house, get up and get moving. You will strengthen your perspective when you are moving around.

#1-  DELAYED HOPE WON’T WORK- Watch this video 

Culture & Communications, Grief & Loss, Human Behavior/Urban Environment, Uncategorized

Hope’s Promise Against Suicide

danitaogandaga

policeSuicide hurts. This post is in no way attempting to mock the life of Derek, the suicidal young man who tragically ended his life in downtown Durham, North Carolina on Tuesday, September 17, 2013. He has left others behind that loved him sincerely and are attempting to come to terms with this tragic death. There are a number of people who have reached a point of decision to leave a note to those who will remain following their suicide. Countless posts have been left on social media notifying not only their families but the masses as to their intentions and rationale for terminating their lives.

Just because we encounter God’s love in life does not exempt us from experiencing hard core pain, the pain that is penetrable (in our opinion) to our heart where we believe no recovery, no cure is necessary. The fact is will encounter trials in life and some of those trials will knock the wind out of us but we must learn to be resilient when trouble comes. This is a process, I will not sit here and try to fake the funk like it is not.

The very fact that we are living on this Earth means that we are equipped with the mechanism of hope. When we face hopeless situations, many may not have the reliance of a grandmother saying, “Baby, don’t do that because Jesus love you and Grandma loves you.”

The time to learn how to get the promises located in God’s word in the bible to the very chambers of our heart is now.  The world is growing colder by the days with rumors of wars, natural disasters, unemployment, and family conflict; yet in the middle of this, we must know that we exist to rest in the promises of God. For some, that work of resting is harder than others especially when you keep getting knocked down time after time. When we feel depressed, this is the time to get the promises of God deeply rooted in our mind so we can be sober as we attack the challenges in our lives; otherwise we will be drunken with despair and without hope.

Proverbs 12:25 is one of my favorite passages of scriptures that addresses anxiety. It says: “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but a good word provides cheer to it.” This scripture has helped me through a very difficult time of grieving the deaths of both parents in my youth as well as a bout with drug use.

I know you may be saying, “Danita, telling someone to cheer up when they have a gun barrel at their temple is not the solution!” Well. You are right; I do agree that this stage calls for the need of some intense cognitive therapy and physical intervention to extinguish the situation.

God has given us a million solutions for dealing with the decisions that we are dealing with on this earth and at the time of someone contemplating suicide; all they need is one. Thick dark memories of their hurt and pain crowd them into a corner and they are forced to escape the pain believing it will never get better. We’ve heard it said so many times that there is no return from suicide; it is the permanent resolution that someone has made to what may be at times short lived pain.

In closing, I’d like for you to share the following scriptures that I have gathered from biblegateway.com that deal with troubled minds and hearts. Share them with your family and friends and above all, of you are feeling suicidal, tell someone so that you do not have to suffer in silence. Social media is a venue that was created to allow expression, but should not be a replacement for authentic relationships.

God loves you; He really does:

But if we hope for what is still unseen by us, we wait for it with patience and composure. Romans 8:24-25

These, the ransomed of the Lord, will go home along that road to Zion, singing the songs of everlasting joy. For them all sorrow and all sighing will be gone forever; only joy and gladness will be there. Isaiah 35:10

God, fill us with all joy and peace as we trust in you, so that we may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

No, I will not abandon you or leave you as orphans in the storm – I will come to you. John 14:18

I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. The peace I give isn’t fragile like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.John 14:27

These things that were written in the Scriptures so long ago are to teach us patience and to encourage us so that we will look forward expectantly to the time when God will conquer sin and death. Romans 15:4

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:10

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, 2 Peter 1:2-3

The Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials. 2 Peter 2:9

Grief & Loss, Uncategorized

Beauty is…….Donald Ray Solomon

danitaogandaga

Beauty is.......Donald Ray Solomon

Hi Daddy! Today marks 13 years since you left this Earth. Since your departure, I have grown into a woman tickled now at the passion I now have for organizing the masses and telling everyone about Jesus. You have truely made an indellible mark on my life in such a way that I talk to Darcy and Tally about you often and yet although you are absent from the body, your greatness lives on. When you first left my mourning was complicated. I could not understand why someone with 3 kidney transplants and 55 operations could not bounce back as you always did. I struggled with what life was going to look like after you left but I tell you Daddy…..God has become the greatest GPS ever!

It’s never easy losing someone that you love and I am a proponent of therapy to assist in identifying and walking through the grief progression. In addition journaling has been a major help. With all those special aides, surrendering to God has been a journey and I would not take anything for the development that accompanies it.

I remember asking God, when is mourning finished? This question can be answered in so many different ways but for me it is finished when I can speak about you with no pain. My sadness has turned to joy—the “fillers” that I used to grab onto to numb me to your passing have faded away like a puffed cloud of smoke. When I faced the reality of life without you here on Earth, the tightness in my chest alleviated and I found myself wanting to know who God was for myself rather than the days of being a PK (Preachers Kid- where God was God regardless). smile.

So I hope that you and Mommy are doing well and that you still shouting and preaching the gospel! I want you to know that all is well here! My determined purpose in life is to know Him (God).

Bonakasi Daddy! Bonakasi! I love you!