Relationships – Page 2 – Danita Ogandaga, MSW

We Wear the Mask- Remixed

08/01/201212/24/2012 danitaogandaga

Hey Boo! Are you tired yet? Trust me, I’ve worn it too. Release the pain to God and be your authentic you. Pain is pint size and can fit into most of our purses and be carried around like a compact. We find ourselves taking it out at every stop, looking into the mirror and smearing the pain on our faces. Pain loves to be held and snuggled and it grows with each passing moment because the more you hold onto it, the more it attaches itself to your hopes, dreams, desires, and being.

If you are thinking about the number of masks that you have worn in your life, I’ve got your attention and that is a great thing because frankly, I am exhausted with wearing mine. When I realized that God wanted my heart not the pretense mock up of myself, it began to make perfect sense as to why we try to float through life as though everything is okay. Let me tell you something that I have just discovered in my thirty-four years on this earth…………..

*ish stinks!

It can be very subtle and alarming at first but gradually overtime, that thing that we try to disclose will be exposed for all the world to see and our vices that used to protect us and insulate us so strongly like an armored truck will no more and we are left at a crossroads to deal……..

the abortion that you never healed from………..

the graduation that you never reached…………

not making peace with the scale and falling into a box of twinkies night after night……….

kissing her while you are imagining yourself wanting to be kissed by him but he’s married……….

and a whole host of things that we as a population of people are dealing with. People magazine does not do the world justice at all in capturing the spirit of issues that are affecting the human race. Amid the glamour and the cars, and the celebrities toting lattes down the street, are a population of people strung out on dope without hope and sitting on the kitchen floor wondering how to cut themselves in silence. When you don’t talk, you get talked to and for anyone that has dealt with the silence of yourself, you can relate to what I am saying.

The devil is not a red tailed imp that we see on television or in movies. He is real and has a purpose that is laid out in John 10:10 where it says, “Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but God came to ensure that we have access to an abundant life.” So there……..we know that his purpose for us is not good because if left up to him we would suffocate in our mask and never take it off!

Something smells a little funky……….I know because I used to smell funky too. Spraying perfume on my face and wearing Noxema to hid the marks of my mask and ready to defend myself against anyone who would dare to recognize that I was wearing one. The good news is no one can make you come to the realization that you are not being yourself like you. You are with you consistently and are familiar with all of your ways just like God is, so sniff, sniff, and tell me what you smell?

One of my fav poets, Paul Laurence Dunbar drafted a poem that touched me in the day when the paper and pen were my coveted friend. His poem goes like this…..

WE wear the mask that grins and lies, It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,— This debt we pay to human guile; With torn and bleeding hearts we smile, and mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise, In counting all our tears and sighs? Nay, let them only see us, while We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries To thee from tortured souls arise. We sing, but oh the clay is vile beneath our feet, and long the mile; but let the world dream otherwise, We wear the mask!

Take a minute and think about the enormity of this poem and the message that Paul was attempting to convey with it. If you have a journal with you now as you read my post, take a minute and write any ideas that are coming to mind as a result of wearing your mask. So now that you have done so, let’s explore how do we go about getting rid of the mask?

Get Tired– When you come to the end of yourself and realize that God is and has always been your comforter, you will reach the point where you say enough is really enough and you go to that closet of masks and rip them out one by one. Realizing that you are not and were not called to be all things to all people and that you possess an authentic self is so liberating. All of the crowds that you frequent with dread, the relationships that you attempt to upkeep when you know the content is not quality and the environment is so toxic, there is nothing like freedom. In the words of my faithful Facebook friend, Ayene Joel, “Mask Alwayz falls Down One Day… Alwayz…”
Realize that it’s ok to be you- When you were growing up, did you ever feel as though you had to contain who you really were in order to be accepted in a group, even if that group was your own home? I can remember wanting to watch country music and my siblings wanting to watch Rap City. I remember the times that I would go to school and my classmates would be talking about the latest fashion and trends yet I would be thinking about if my father remembered to take his medication and what he and my mother were going to want to do when I got home. All of us are at different junctions in our life and we are traveling the same road in life; yet many of us are taking various detours and routes that are not all in sync. It is easy to see someone along the road of life that may be more advanced than you or more prettier than you or whatever it may be. Seize the opportunity to be consistent in knowing that you are valuable and you have a purpose in this life. God made you and had greatness in mind when you were born. It does not matter if you felt as though you were an accident to your parents; God has a way of turning your thoughts to become agreeable to His will for your life. Realize and accept the purpose in your path.
Surrender the pain– Erykah Badu asked a very simple, yet poignant statement, “Bag lady, you gonna hurt your back, carrying all them bags like that. I guess no one never told you that all you must hold on to is you!” It is so easy to try to save someone that may or may not be saved. This is a common thread in the life of a caregiver. Caregivers hold a special place in my life because I was one to my parents and can identify with the feeling that you get when you want something for someone, at times, more than they want it for themselves. You wonder, well why can’t they just see what you see, but remember, that same train of thought that you hold for them, God holds for you! God wants you to trust him with the pain that you are feeling and find a place of peace to release the pain to him. God hearts you and wants you to be free.

In short, we all get tired, tired of working, tired of shopping, tired of writing, and tired of working. We all have reached the point of being tired of wearing the mask. This is your permission to take it off. What God has for you is far greater than you’ve ever imagined but you’ve gotta take the mask off and clean your face so that you can be annointed with His joy as you accept your call to His authentic grace.

He loves us, God that is…..,

Danita

Relationships

The Front Porch: The Waiting Room by Danita Ogandaga

03/26/201203/26/2012 danitaogandaga

Front porches are so quaint and serve as a beautiful introduction to a home. I like to think of front porches as a waiting room of sort. Some overflowing with rocking chairs and plants and some bear with a single chair. I am sure that many people have had an awesome experience in life while sitting on the porch. For those friends of mine that may be from various sections of the world, the porch is defined as a structure attached to the exterior of a building often forming a covered entrance. The definition is solid but does no justice for the cultural symbolism that a porch holds for the American and their front porch. The porch fosters an amazing connection between nature and land, safety and security, the level of control one has between the world and the domain of his or her home.

Formation of Community- Growing up on Desmond Street in Kinston, North Carolina was an amazing experience. To the left of my street would be the Koonce, Dillahunt, and Platt families and to the right of me would be the Rhem, King, and Smith families. Whether the weather was cold or hot, you could be sure that at some point of the day, you would have a member of those family members sitting on that porch. Before I could even walk, my mother and my father would always encourage me to greet my neighbors when coming out of the house and getting into the car. The idea of offering a greeting was a sign of respect and reverence for the neighbors who assisted in creating community on my street.

Porches have been creating venues for socialization for many years which has lead to the formation of community. I remember the farmers coming into town stopping on my street and watching my mom go to the porch to purchase her vegetables and fruits. There were times when my father would give the payment for our life insurance policy to the agent….on the porch. We would venture off of our porch and walk to the porch of our new neighbors who moved into the community. The porch was the holding space that fostered much opportunity to building lasting friendships; building familiarity beyond the sidewalk and not yet achieving the intimacy of entering the house. It was overall, a healthy balance of a new beginning.

Nurturing the Psychiatric Core- My parents were ministers, so I was a PK (Preacher’s Kid) two times over. Still, I witnessed several occasions where my parents would counsel married couples, engaged couples, and family issues on the porch. The furniture on the porch got a lot of wear and tear from our family as we would use the porch as a common ground to air the issues were facing as a family in addition to celebrating the positive moments like birthdays, holidays, and other events.

Families use the porch as a common ground to resolve issues about which kid knocked the hose over and how it would be resolved. The porch was a civil arena where people could come with no reservations to establish a non-threatening environment for creative resolutions to making everything better. Bringing the neighborhood and the community together and provoking opportunities to invoke awareness and prompt care, the porches of the world, whether public or private, are a waiting room for change.

This weekend, my family and I were engaged in our weekend activities which included the following, to name a few:

Visiting family members for Tally to play with her cousins
Taking a trip to our International Farmer’s Market
Business meetings with clients
Courting at our local cafe
Walking a trail at our local park
Checking out or returning books at our local library

In the midst of doing all of this traveling and back and forth, while out visiting our Aunt and Uncle in the northern part of Georgia, we realized that while attempting to get to their home early, we were locked out and did not want to wait in the car. So instead of complaining, we just took the time to take the funny pictures, get in sneezing matches due to the pollen affects, sing our favorite songs, and just look into each other’s eyes and just be……one, with each other. It was such an awesome experience to be able to take the time to star gaze into each other’s eyes…..that was until we realized that the door was open and our Aunt and Uncle had entered the house from the rear and had been waiting for us to come in for about twenty minutes! It was hilarious, but the time we spent on that pollen- filled porch was priceless!

Enjoy your family; enjoy your porch!

Relationships

15 Paths to Ecstasy: Get Your Heat Back

02/20/201202/20/2012 danitaogandaga

Hello. My name is Wake-Up! Well not really, but I’d like to remind you that you are alive and well and since you are alive, take hold of the day you have been given and live.

Most people believe that ecstasy belongs in the bedroom. Well, although this is true, the ecstasy is defined as an overwhelming feeling of excitement and joy. Life comes at you fast and it is essential that you are equipped with a response to combat those days when you are faced with road blocks. There is something greater working in your favor and you are destined to succeed no matter what. When those days hit you hard….combat them with the following paths to achieving ecstasy in the store, on the bus, or in your life:

Express yourself through writing. Expression is a healer and a motivator to keep going in the toughest intersections of life.
Think of evey accomplishment that you have achieved in life as a catalyst for greater things in life
Find someone who may be going through a difficult time and encourage them to not quit
Write a love note to your spouse or partner assuring them that you appreciate their love.
Recite the words a friend has told you back to them. Powerful words should never fall to the ground. We should cherish and bank wisdom as a jewel.
Create a scrapbook of old and new pictures that have been laying randomly around the house. This will allow you to gain persepective as to your journey in this life.
Go Organic. Decide to choose one to two nights per week where you cut the TV off and play a board game with your family. Remember playing tic-tac-toe on paper?
Think of the two things you can control and focus your efforts on this. From experience, focusing on the things that we can not control create deep feelings of disempowerment and chaos. Life is not static it is instead a brisk walk with a lot of scenery, so release what you can not control. Surrender it to God.
Release the tension! If you are married, have continuous and frequent sex with your partner and keep the communication flowing to ensure that no walls exist between you. I remember when my husband and I had our daughter, we had to walk through the stages and frustrations of coming back to each other after putting the baby first. If you are not married, enjoy walks and exercise, and time with friends or your partner. Whatever you do, get the tension of life out and relax.
Schedule time to work on your dream- Taking the time to invest in ourselves is a great motivator. Whether we download a book on how to be a better parent or buy a Julia Child’s cookbook, take the time to invest in your dream and make it a reality in time.
Speak the End from the Beginning- The power of confession permits us to fast forward to the desired end we wish to see manifested in our lives. Sure,obstacles will come and road blocks may delay our progress, but as we are diligent about the process of confession, we will see those things move like mountains.
Create a dream board. This is practice that I find myself going back to is writing the vision and keeping it before you to serve as an encouragement in the times when progress may seem slow. Take out a sheet of paper or invest in a piece of posterboard and tear through magazines, looking for the items or words that express the goals that you’d like to bring into your life. So often life brings us to the consistent visual that we live in daily but there is a spiritual world working overtime for us to bring us into our desired end. That is what faith is all about, believing what we can not see. Lord help us to believe what we can not see! A dream does not have to remain a dream, it can be a reality.
Dance! David was a gentle soul in the Bible that went through a lot of turmoil. yet he utilized the expression of dance and singing to sing praises to God for deliverance from situations in life. My favorite song is Lee Ann Womack’s I Hope You Dance. She reminds us that “Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens, Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.” So I remind you my friend to just dance!
Go barefoot! Connecting with nature is so vital and essential to earth. There are so many mechanical things that have crept into society—modular homes, robot assistants, social media which are all great tools for connecting us; yet there is nothing as fun as taking the time to dig a hole in the backyard and fill it with water—sticking your feet into the earth and taking a mud foot bath. It is free and so refreshing.
Surrender! The act of surrender is the ultimate release of carrying tasks we were simply not designed to carry. Writing this piece this morning, gave me the realization that like myself at times, we may find ourselves attempting to be the glue that holds everything together but even in that we must surrender all of the issues that life brings to the one that can hold it all; God can and he loves us enough to know that we must seek him and come to him when we know nothing else. Whether it is fasting, praying, communicating, or eliminating, find a way to surrender those toxic things or those things creating an imbalance in your life over to the one that can handle it….God can!

So this list came to me this morning and I know that it will be blessing to you! I encourage you to leave your comments or add to the list with any things that you have or are practicing in your life. Let’s create a toolbox for the earth! Have a great day!

Danita Ogandaga

Copyrighted. 2012. Danita Ogandaga for Danitaogandaga.com.

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